Holidaze
by aethre
Summary: Holidays with Artemis and the Fairies. Mainly humour, but there is some Romance in a few. There also maybe a Angst story. All in all, humour. And it is sorta funny. Crazy, randomness funny. Next Holiday: Mother's Day, second part. Sometime soon.
1. Valentine's Day

For your information: This story is now a Holiday one!! Anyways, the next chapter/mini story, is for St. Patrick's Day on March 17. The summery for it is as follows:  
  
Artemis wonders what the fairy's do for St. Patrick's Day (considering that is the leprechaun holiday) and the LEP prepares for the same day. St. Patrick's Day is the one day that all of the LEP gets off. Okay, so the crime rates also go up on that date, but, it is an age-old tradition. You can't exactly break it. Holly, Root, Foaly and possibly another character (ie: Chix, Trouble, Grub...) decide to use their vacation to annoy a particular child genius...  
  
Normal Programming:  
  
This is my nearly a week late Valentine's Day story thingy. I don't know if there is a V-Day in Ireland, and guess what? That is not high on my list of top things to do. Then again, I don't even have a list like that. Well, in this story there is a V-Day, so nah nah. Well, what did you expect from me, the crazy Canadian who has an obsession with grammar and is too lazy to read this story over? So if there are any mistakes, it is because I don't wanna read 8 pages a nothing all over again. After all I did write this! (duh) I am also too lazy to do a Disclaimer, so make one up for yourself. Come on, you have got to have SOME imagination? Anyway, it starts out one day before V-Day.  
  
Holly's office, Police Plaza  
  
Holly was bored. All she had was a floating chair, various junk food items and a rubber wall ball. You know the kind of ball the size of a baseball with red on the top and blue on the bottom. With a white strip in between. Holly threw the ball at the wall. Thunk, thunk. Holly caught the ball. Thunk, thunk. Holly caught the ball. After 45 more minutes of this, Holly got bored and fell out of her chair. She looked under it and crossed a few wires. She jumped on the chair, zooming around the room like a crazed troll. But, with more accuracy. Holly never hit the wall once. She prided herself with complete control over her hover-chair.  
  
Stopping at the back wall facing the door, Holly once again started throwing her wall ball. This time, she threw it on the door.  
  
15 minutes later  
  
Holly was pretty much asleep. Thunk, thunk, catch. Thunk, thwack. HEY!!! WERE IS HOLLY'S WALL BALL?? She opened her eyes and jerked back. Root's glaring, purple face was inches from her own. For some reason there was a darker purple spot between Root's eyes.  
  
"SHORT!! IS THIS BALL YOURS???" Root roared.  
  
"Um. well. yes." Holly squeaked. 'I squeaked? I SQUEAKED???' Holly inwardly roared at herself.  
  
"THAT IS IT, SHORT!! THIS THE 20 TIME SOMEONE HAS BEEN HIT BY ONE OF YOUR BALLS!!!" Root yelled.  
  
"Um, it's not my fault?" Holly whispered.  
  
"NOT YOUR FAULT!!?? NOT YOUR FAULT!!?? YOU GAVE CHIX AND GRUB KELP CONCUSSIONS!!! AND NOW YOU HIT ME!!!!" Root screamed.  
  
"I don't think you have a concussion, Commander," Holly said, hopefully.  
  
"OF COURSE I DON'T HAVE A CONCUSSION!!! I SAID THAT CHIX AND GRUB GOT CONCUSSIONS!!!!" Root turned an even deeper purple, if that was possible.  
  
"Well, Chix deserves it and Grub is a whiny brat. Maybe it would teach 'em a lesson!" Holly said.  
  
"THAT IS NOT THE POINT OF THE MATTER!!!!" Root yanked Holly off of her hover-chair. Bad move. After yanking Holly off, the chair reacted to the shift of weight at flew forward, efficiently knocking Holly on top of Root. They both fell down.  
  
"GET OFF OF ME, SHORT!!!!!" Root roared, slightly muffled because of the fact Holly was on top of him. Holly promptly rolled off of him. Root staggered up, but was knocked down again, this time on top of Holly, by the mad chair of DOOM!  
  
"Um, can you get off of me, Commander? I can't breathe." Holly gasped. This time, it was Root's turn to roll off of Holly.  
  
"I advise not trying to stand up again, Root. The chair will knock you down," after a slight pause, Holly added, "again."  
  
"How is it going so fast?? And why isn't it stopping? All of the chairs have a max speed limit preprogrammed into it and an auto-stop feature!" Root said, amazed.  
  
"It is amazing what one can accomplish by crossing a few wires," Holly said perkily.  
  
"YOU WHAT???" Root resumed yelling at his Captain.  
  
"I said, IT IS AMAZING WHAT YOU CAN ACCOMPLISH BY CROSSING A FEW WIRES!!" Holly yelled back at him, figuring that he was hard of hearing.  
  
"I HEARD YOU THE FIRST TIME!!!" Root roared in Holly's pointed ear.  
  
"Oh," Holly said sheepishly. SLAM!  
  
"What was that?" Root asked.  
  
Holly, unperturbed, said, "The door must have closed." BEEP!  
  
"And the beep?" Root groaned, already knowing and dreading the answer.  
  
"That was the door locking."  
  
"And we can't get out until that chair of yours stops flying around, right?" Root sighed.  
  
"Yup," it is amazing how calm and cheerful Holly is.  
  
"And how long will it take for the battery to die?" Root whispered, because that was the question that determined their fate.  
  
"Dunno. Maybe, 25 to 50 years," Holly grinned.  
  
"WE WILL STARVE TO DEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAATH!!!"  
  
"No, Foaly will find us, eventually."  
  
"HOW CAN YOU BE SO HAPPY??" Root yelled.  
  
"Dunno."  
  
2 HOURS LATER  
  
"Nobody has come to look for us." Root sighed.  
  
"Don't worry Commander; it has only been about two hours."  
  
"GAH! I don't think I could survive another two minutes with you!! You are so damn cheerful!" Root groaned.  
  
"You say it like it is a bad thing." Holly grinned.  
  
"IF YOU DON'T GET US OUT OF HERE IN 15 MINUTES, YOU WILL FIND YOURSELF PERMANENTLY ON SURVEILLANCE DUTY!" Root roared.  
  
"Well, if you put it that way. I have an idea!" Holly chirped.  
  
"And how long have you had this 'idea' for??" Root asked.  
  
"As soon as the door locked."  
  
"AAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH"  
  
"Can I have my wall ball?" Holly asked, ignoring her Commander's outburst.  
  
"RIGHT NOW IS NOT EXACTLY THE BEST TIME TO PLAY WITH STUPID BALLS!" Root roared.  
  
"Just give Holly the ball," Holly said, soothingly. Grumbling, Root handed her the ball. Holly threw the ball at the underside of the mad chair of DOOM. BOOM!! A small explosion was the result. When the smoke cleared, Root and Holly stared at the blackened, smoldering chair. The wall ball was nowhere to be found.  
  
"Can you unlock the door, now?" Root asked.  
  
"Sure!" Holly walked over to the door and punched in her PIN number for her door. BEEP. The door was unlocked.  
  
"THANK FROND!" Root yelled, opened the door and promptly ran around giving raises.  
  
Holly looked all over the remains of the chair. Her wall ball was nowhere to be found. She sat down and cried.  
  
2 HOURS LATER  
  
"Um, Holly, are you alright?" Foaly asked to the crying form of a small female fairy lying on the floor.  
  
"MY WALL BALL!!" Holly sniffed.  
  
"You can get another one, you know."  
  
"NO I CAN'T!!!!!!!!!!! THAT WAS MY LAST ONE!!!"  
  
"Riight. I think I will just leave now," Foaly left.  
  
The next day (V-Day)  
  
SAINT WHATEVER SCHOOL FOR BOYS (A/N I forgot the name of the school. O well)  
  
"Artemis, you still haven't gotten Valentine's Day presents for your parents and Juliet yet," Butler reminded his charge.  
  
"Blah. Valentine's Day, what a stupid holiday," Artemis Fowl the Second groaned.  
  
"Now, now, Artemis, a little shopping never hurt anybody."  
  
"FINE! I WILL GO SHOPPING" Artemis yelled, surprising both Butler and himself.  
  
THE NEAREST MALL  
  
"Hmm, Juliet is easy. A wrestling magazine. Mother will get slippers and Father will get, um, chocolate..." Artemis pondered.  
  
"Ah yes, chocolate, the present of the uncreative," Butler said before he was able to help himself.  
  
"To true. Oh well it will have to do," Artemis sighed, had his brains turned to mush or something? "and that is all."  
  
"You forgot Holly."  
  
"Oh yes, Holly," Artemis murmured, not really paying attention to what Butler was saying, "WAITAMINUTE! Did you just say 'Holly'?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Now why would I give Captain Short a Valentine's Day present??" Artemis questioned, "And besides, we have no way of getting the present underground. I don't even have her e-mail!"  
  
"You don't, but I do."  
  
"You have Captain Short's e-mail?" Artemis asked, amazed. He hadn't realized Butler was in touch with the Fairies.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Okay, but why must I buy Holly a Valentine's Day present?" Artemis asked again.  
  
"To be polite."  
  
"That is not an answer."  
  
"Just buy her a present."  
  
"And what would I get for 'the crazy girly Captain'?"  
  
"I don't know. Ask Foaly."  
  
"Let me guess, you have his e-mail too."  
  
"Yes."  
  
"E-mail him then."  
  
15 MINUTES LATER  
  
"Well, we are done shopping for everyone except a certain girl Captain," Artemis sighed, "Have we got mail from Foaly yet?  
  
"Yes. It says that Holly would die for a wall ball. The kind that has red on the top, white in the middle and blue on the bottom," Butler read.  
  
"Okay."  
  
"It also says that since you are rich, 50 would be an appropriate amount," Butler said with his eyebrows raised.  
  
"Lets just hope that Foaly isn't pulling our legs," Artemis sighed, "Of to the toy store."  
  
15 MINUTES LATER  
  
"Er, Butler, do you know how we are going to give Holly her wall balls?" Artemis asked. He felt so weird asking Butler how to do something.  
  
"Yes, Foaly will send Holly above ground and we will meet her at Tara."  
  
"Right."  
  
SOME TIME LATER, TARA  
  
"Okay, what do you want me to do above ground?" Holly asked Foaly into her helmet.  
  
"Stay at Tara and don't move," Foaly smiled back in the OP Booth.  
  
"Right. HEY!! That looks like Fowl's car!" Holly exclaimed.  
  
"Right on time," Foaly said to himself. Unfortunately, Holly heard him.  
  
"What do you mean? Did you plan for Fowl to come to Tara around the time I got above ground?" Holly questioned.  
  
"Um, I can't hear you!! The flares must be up!! See you later!" Foaly said, and then closed that link.  
  
"Foaly? D'Arvit! Do you really think I am dumb enough to believe that??" Holly yelled into the helmet. Holly sighed when he never answered. 'I will just go down to the other side of the hillock, so the McGraneys' (A/N or whatever the hell they are called... I really must read the books again...) don't see me.'  
  
"Captain Short? Are you here?" Artemis said loudly.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Where are you, then?" Artemis sighed. He has been having a bad day, and now he will have to deal with a fairy that is probably hiding from him.  
  
"The side of the hill facing a way from the farm house!" Holly said as loudly as she dared. Artemis walked down the hill and sat down besides Holly.  
  
"Er, hello," Artemis said, feeling like an idiot.  
  
"Hello. Why do you want me?" Holly asked, getting straight to the point.  
  
"Um, well... uh," Artemis stuttered. 'I am such an idiot.' Butler cleared his throat. "Well, Butler said that I should give you a Valentine's Day present, for reasons that I don't understand, this is just really confusing to me, why would Butler want me to give you a Valentine's Day present? I can understand my parents, but you too? It is just really weird, and-"  
  
"I get the point. You got me a Valentine's Day present that you had no choice whether or not to give me," Holly summarized.  
  
"Yah, that's it," Artemis said, "Butler, get Holly her present."  
  
"Yes," Butler said, and went off to the Bentley.  
  
"Um, I'm sorry, but I never got anything for you, Artemis," Holly trailed off weakly... 'Damn Foaly! He did this on purpose!'  
  
"Uh, that's alright," Artemis said, just as weakly as his companion, "Uh, how is stuff going on Underground?"  
  
"Um, great. Root has given nearly everyone raises," Holly sighed.  
  
"Everyone except you, I am guessing," Artemis said, noting the distress on Holly's face.  
  
"Yah... Even Foaly got a raise," Holly looked up at the top of the hillock for a minute, and then took off her helmet, "I hate these things." Holly set her helmet on the ground.  
  
"Why did you get a raise too?" Artemis asked.  
  
"I really don't know. The reason he is giving everyone raises is my fault," Holly sighed again. She is thinking of Foaly's snide comments about the Commander being in her office for a few hours.  
  
"Let me guess. You did something to aggrieve the Commander, and then you got both of you out of the mess," Artemis guessed, correctly.  
  
"Yup. I think my paycheck might have gone down," Holly rolled her eyes, "If that is possible. My paycheck has been so low since I was kidnapped."  
  
"Er, must suck," Artemis said, slightly embarrassed that because of his want for money, he caused someone else to lose money. The Council deserves losing money, but Holly doesn't.  
  
"Here you go Holly," Butler said. He was back from getting Holly's present.  
  
"Oo, thank you," Holly grinned and reached for the wrapping paper.  
  
"If it is stupid, don't blame me. Blame Foaly. It was his idea," Artemis cautioned. Holly shrugged and ripped open the present.  
  
"WALL BALLS!!!" Holly shrieked, "OO THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH!!!!" The now ecstatic Captain jumped up and wrapped her arms around Artemis' neck and she kissed him. On the mouth. Butler covered a grin behind one massive hand. Artemis turned red, and Holly let go of Artemis and started hopping around like a demented pixy yelling 'wall balls wall balls'  
  
"I think she likes her present," Butler said, quite unnecessarily.  
  
"Yah think?" Artemis asked still red and trying to figure out why Holly kissed him. The two men watched Holly jump around, and when she finally calmed down, Artemis said, "you are now the proud owner of 50 wall balls."  
  
"Oo, that means that soon in under the world there is going to be 50 unconscious LEP officers."  
  
Weee... I had fun writing that ^^ Holly is crazy. Um, read and review?? Hehe... I'm in a lame mood right now... bye bye!  
  
Mage Kitty ^^ 


	2. St Patrick's Day

Okay, me sorry that I am a little late, but I have two reasons ^^ 1) I was banned for some unknown reason... My story didn't violate any rules, and the Mary Sue question was in another story too. And that story didn't get banned... Stupid person... That was the second time someone banned Artemis Fowl's (Only) Practical Joke. If you have read it, please tell me why it would be banned. I checked the rules (for the first time) and it didn't violate any. Okay, I am rambling so on with my next reason. 2) No time. But I have Friday off, so I should update a few of my stories then. And I have an idea. I will type out all of my stories on Saturday and update them! All I do then is watch a half hour of TV, so I finally figured something out!!  
  
DISCLAIMER: You already know it  
  
PS: The events in Valentine's Day carry over  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
March 16  
  
"Ah yes, tomorrow is St. Patrick's Day," Holly sighed and leaned back in her new chair. "What should I do for it?" Foaly choice that time to walk in.  
  
"Well, I have an idea," Foaly began, but then Root walked in.  
  
"Tomorrow's St. Patrick's Day. The best holiday Mud Men have ever came up with!" Root said.  
  
"Excuse me. I was talking here," Foaly said.  
  
"Yes yes. What is it that you want to say Foaly?" Holly said.  
  
"We play a prank on a particular Mud Man," Foaly said, "or rather, Mud Boy."  
  
"Great idea, but what about Butler?" Holly said.  
  
"He is in with it," Foaly said.  
  
"Really? How did you get him to do that?" Root asked.  
  
"Dunno, he just agreed," Foaly said.  
  
"What should we do to Fowl?" Holly asked.  
  
"Do what to Fowl?" Chix asked.  
  
"Pull a prank on him," Holly said.  
  
"I'm in," Chix said.  
  
"Only if you close the door," Root said. Chix closed the door.  
  
"Now, where do we start?" Root said.  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
"I wonder what the fairies do on St. Patrick's Day," Artemis said.  
  
"Who knows?" Butler lied.  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Holly, you attach the hologram projector to his shirt," Foaly said.  
  
"What do we do?" Root and Chix asked.  
  
"Root, post these signs every where. Chix, after everyone is done, wake everyone up," Foaly said.  
  
"Won't be hard," Chix said with a grin.  
  
(Next day, St. Patrick's Day)  
  
Artemis turned over in his sleep. Holly froze. Reflex of course. Artemis wouldn't be able to see her, considering the fact she was shielded. She gently attached the projector on Artemis's green shirt. She slipped out of the room.  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Last sign," Root said and stuck on the sign saying 'WE LUV ARTEMIS FOWL!!!'  
  
"They also contain hologram projectors," Foaly's voice said in Root's ear. Root flew to the tree that they choice as a meeting place. Holly was already there.  
  
"Chix, it's your turn," Holly said unnecessarily.  
  
"I'll be back Holly, babe," Chix said and flew off before Holly could hit him. Root laughed.  
  
Chix pulled out a Naughty Fairy noise bomb from his pocket. "Hehe." He threw it against the building and sealed his helmet against noise. BOOM!!!!!! "Turn on the projectors, pony boy!" Foaly did. Instantly, the building was surrounded by (ugly) girls screaming Artemis's name.  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
"AAAAHHHH!" Artemis yelled. He heard his name being chanted outside. He looked out of the window and gasped. Millions and Millions of (ugly) girls chanted his name. He pulled on his clothes and another girl climbed in the window. He ran out of the room. The girl chased him.  
  
"HEEEEEEEEEEEELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Artemis yelled.  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
Back in the tree, Holly, Root and Chix were laughing at the screams of Artemis Fowl.  
  
"HELP HELP HELP HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
Ouch, that sucks, I know....  
  
Next Holiday is Easter.  
  
The Easter bunny torments the LEP. I don't know what Artemis is going to do yet.  
  
Mage Kitty ^^ 


	3. St Patrick's Day Version 2

My first St. Patrick's Day story sucked, so here I try it again ^^ Also the next holiday is April Fool's Day ^^  
  
DISCLAIMER: You know it already.  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
March 16  
  
"Ah yes, tomorrow is St. Patrick's Day," Holly sighed and leaned back in her new chair. "What should I do for it?" Foaly choice that time to walk in.  
  
"Well, I have an idea," Foaly began, but then Root walked in.  
  
"Tomorrow's St. Patrick's Day. The best holiday Mud Men have ever came up with!" Root said.  
  
"Excuse me. I was talking here," Foaly said.  
  
"Yes yes. What is it that you want to say Foaly?" Holly said.  
  
"We play a prank on a particular Mud Man," Foaly said, "or rather, Mud Boy."  
  
"Great idea, but what about Butler?" Holly said.  
  
"He is in with it," Foaly said.  
  
"Really? How did you get him to do that?" Root asked.  
  
"Dunno, he just agreed," Foaly said.  
  
"What should we do to Fowl?" Holly asked.  
  
"Do what to Fowl?" Chix asked.  
  
"Pull a prank on him," Holly said.  
  
"I'm in," Chix said.  
  
"Only if you close the door," Root said. Chix closed the door.  
  
"Now, where do we start?" Root said.  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
"I wonder what the fairies do on St. Patrick's Day," Artemis said.  
  
"Who knows?" Butler lied.  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
NEXT DAY (St. Patrick's Day for all of you who are slow in the head)  
  
"Okay Holly, Root and Chix. Get ready," Foaly said from back in the OP's booth. All three fairies knew that he was quite disappointed that he didn't get to annoy Fowl. Because of how their plan works, Foaly has to stay behind because of his lack of magick, "Fowl is going to wake up in about five minutes."  
  
"I'll just stay outside and wait for you guys," Holly said, not really wanting to see Fowl in whatever he sleeps in.  
  
"Okay then," Chix grinned and watched Root open Fowl's dorm room door. Butler had unlocked it last night. Holly watched as the two fairies walked in Fowl's room. Root and Chix swiftly turned all of Fowl's clothes inside out. He had conveniently left the clothes he was going to wear today on a chair. Root and Chix also put a glamorie (A/N: I'm sorry, I really don't know how to spell it and the spell-checker doesn't work for words relating to magick a lot of the time.) on every clothes item so, to Fowl, it appeared that his clothes were the right way around. Everyone else saw it the way it actually was. The shielded fairies left the room, locking it behind them.  
  
"How did it go?" Holly asked.  
  
"Exactly as planned," Root replied. The three fairies, and one centaur back in Haven, snickered. Root, Holly and Chix slipped down to the cafeteria.  
  
*~*~*~*~* (A/N: Me and Wicca-Gurl are very strange. We DEFINATLY don't like Artemis. Hence the reason why he tends to get dissed in my stories. This section has Artemis' thoughts in it. Just thought you might like to know. They are not, in any way, shape, or form, my thoughts. *pauses, then adds* Or Wicca-Gurl's.)  
  
Artemis was confused. A very unusual emotion for the child genius. (A/N: I can't spell the word I actually want to use instead of genius. Sorry.) People were staring at him, turning to their friends, pointing him out and laughing. Artemis didn't think there was anything wrong with his appearance. Sure he was a tiny bit pale, but he was quite dashing. Artemis should know. Every morning when he wakes up he says to his reflection in the mirror, Good Morning, you dashingly handsome devil! Artemis sat down in his usual table in the corner all by himself, he didn't need those fools! Frowning, Artemis glared at his food. He ate it down as fast as he could so he would have some time to check his mail. Finished, Artemis flipped open the top on his Lap-Top. He typed in his 12 passwords.  
  
'He is almost as paranoid as Foaly,' Holly thought, looking at Artemis' computer.  
  
"You got mail!!" the annoying voice chirped on Artemis' Lap-Top. Holly grinned. Now the fun begins. Artemis looked at the amount of new messages. 1837. That had got to be a bad sign. Holly heard a muffled snicker coming from besides her.  
  
"Chix!! Shut the hell up!!" Holly hissed into her helmet.  
  
"Sorry," Chix replied.  
  
"1837 new messages?? That is crazy!! Even people who get so much junk mail don't get that much messages over night!!" Artemis murmured, eyes wide, "Shit, I have got so many filters on my E-Mail, I shouldn't get ANY junk mail!" Artemis clicked on the first message. It read:  
  
"Dear Artemis Fowl, I would like to say, Happy St. Patrick's Day."  
  
Artemis read the next message. The same. Then the next and the next. All were the same. The most horrid thing had happened. SOME ONE WAS SPAMMING HIS INBOX!!!!!!!  
  
"AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! THE SKY IS FALLING!!! THE SKY IS FALLING!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Artemis yelled, jumped up and ran in circles. Fortunately, he was yelling so loud, he didn't hear three fairies laughing their little heads off. By the time he stopped screaming, everyone else in the cafeteria was laughing, so nobody noticed that there were three shimmers, often flashing into small forms, were rolling on the floor. The fairies calmed themselves and Root and Holly went off to the Biology Lab, Artemis' next class. Chix stayed behind and whispered in one boy's ear:  
  
"Did you know that Artemis is a Greek Goddess? Not the Artemis with his clothes inside out, but a mythical Goddess. Artemis Fowl was named after a girl." The boy burst out laughing again and told the person next to him that particularly interesting information. Chix chuckled and went to the Biology Lab.  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
In the Biology Lab, there is an empty seat behind Artemis. Its occupant is sick. The three fairies decided to use that to their advantage. Holly sat on top of that desk, Root under it, and Chix was lying under Artemis' chair. Artemis himself walked in. Holly smothered giggles. Artemis sat down in his desk and opened his Lap-Top. He now had 2596 new messages. Sighing, Artemis began the long task of deleting all of those offending messages. Holly grinned and pulled his hair. She slid back into the chair and ducked down. Artemis frowned and turned around. Nobody there. Must have got caught on something, Artemis thought. He went back to deleting his messages.  
  
Root took a pen out of his pocket. He calmly poked Artemis in the small of his back.  
  
"OWW!" Artemis yelped. The teacher stared at him, "sorry."  
  
Chix poked the back of Artemis' knee.  
  
"STOP THAT!!" Artemis yelled. Once again the teacher stared at him.  
  
'What an odd boy. He is wearing his clothes inside out, too,' the teacher thought. All of Artemis' classmates slowly wandered in.  
  
"OOWW!!"  
  
The class continued in that fashion. Everyone was busy confirming their beliefs that Artemis was insane.  
  
"No wonder he needs all of those physiatrists," one boy whispered to his friend.  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
Root grinned. With Foaly spamming Artemis' inbox, Chix, Holly and himself annoying the hell out of Fowl, Artemis is going to have one heck of a day!  
  
"Next class is math," Holly whispered to her male companions.  
  
"Time to try out Foaly's little toy," Chix grinned. The three fairies followed Artemis into the math room. Artemis sat down at his desk and opened his Lap-Top. 5067 new messages. Artemis groaned. Who the hell was spamming his inbox?? The rest of the class filed in.  
  
"Alright everyone!! Take out last day's assignment!!" The math teacher chirped.  
  
"Sir, I am not finished," Artemis' voice said. The three fairies grinned. Artemis not done his homework? That would be crazy!  
  
"How did you think of that?" Holly asked Chix. Chix walked over to where Holly was.  
  
"It just comes to me, naturally," Chix flicked his hand in that 'I am the coolest girl alive!' way. Holly stifled a giggle. (A/N: I was inspired by that from my band teacher. Al, if you are reading this, dontcha think Mr. Popoff acts like a girl?? That was to you too Ka Ka Head ^^) Root glared at both of them.  
  
"Mr. Fowl, do you know what that means?" the teacher drawled, 'Finally!! An excuse to punish Him!!'  
  
"I never said that!!" Artemis gasped, 'who is impersonating me? Who wouldn't want to? I am perfect!'  
  
"Right," the teacher said sarcastically, "off to the Headmaster you go!"  
  
"But, I," Artemis stuttered. (A/N: Poor Arty is confused. BWHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!! Just the way I like him!)  
  
"Get going, young man!" the teacher said gleefully.  
  
"Let's let him have a few minutes of normality," Root suggested.  
  
"Yeah," Holly agreed, "I'm hungry." The three fairies snuck off to get something to eat.  
  
*~*~*~*~* (3 Period, LA, whew, I'm half done ^^)  
  
Artemis frowned. Such odd things were happening today.  
  
"Hey look! It's Goddess boy!!" a random kid yelled.  
  
"Goddess Boy! Goddess Boy!!" everyone else chanted.  
  
'What a nice new nick-name I have," Artemis thought. He walked into the LA room. (A/N: I'm soooooo creative with names ^^) As soon as he sat down in his desk, he jumped up again with a yelp. There was a tack stuck to his ass!! Someone put a tack on his chair!! Whoever that person is, they sure are early for April Fool's. Artemis looked around for more traps, then sat down.  
  
"Good morning class. Today we are going to start Romeo and Juliet, by William Shakespeare," the LA teacher smiled.  
  
"Good morning, Artemis. I hope you don't mind water!" Root murmured, then took a fizzer from his belt. He calmly speared it on his utility knife. He then dumped the contents of the container on Artemis' head.  
  
"AAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!" Artemis yelled, "WHERE DID THAT COME FROM????" The three fairies exchanged looks of maniacal joy.  
  
"Artemis Fowl. Please calm down," the teacher said severely.  
  
"Can I go change?" Artemis asked the teacher.  
  
"No," the teacher replied.  
  
'Ah, shit,' Artemis thought.  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
Lunch was quite an interesting time. To put the events into a nut-shell, Chix, Holly and Root started a food fight. Of course, Artemis got blamed for it, even though he didn't throw a single food item. Now Artemis has his clothes on backwards, is drenched, and is covered with various food items. He does not want to know what will happen during PE.  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
'The only good thing about Physical Education is that we get to change clothes,' Artemis mused.  
  
"Unfortunately, you will be attacked by wall balls, courtesy of Captain Short," Holly said to her two companions.  
  
"Holly, don't speak in third person. It is creepy," Chix told her.  
  
"What ever," Holly then proceeded to pelt Artemis with wall balls.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! I CAN'T ESCAPE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
Next period for Debate. (A/N: Wicca-Gurl told me that in some places, Debate is a class. So, because I am a Debater, (so is KaKa) Artemis has a period called Debate. I can't think of any prank to pull on him, so the fairies got tiered and fell asleep.) Nothing happened. The three fairies were sleeping. They had to turn off the communicators so they didn't have to listen to Foaly's annoying voice telling them to wake up.  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
Computers. Usually Artemis' favourite class. But with the way his day has been going, Artemis bet that something terrible would happen.  
  
"Okay, today we are going to work on our typing skills. Everyone log in and start up All The Right Type!" the computer teacher said.  
  
'Yeah right. He just doesn't want me out smarting him in HTML,' Artemis thought.  
  
"Foaly, that's you cue!" Root said to the centaur back in OP's booth.  
  
"Transmitting virus onto the computer Artemis is working on," Foaly said.  
  
Artemis was in All The Right Type, typing out what ever it is they want him to type at a speed which was probably Mach 10. Everyone else's computers seemed to have a problem. They kept re-booting.  
  
"What's going on?" a random boy asked.  
  
"Yeah," asked Root, to Foaly.  
  
"Well, I just uploaded a simple virus that affects all of the computers in the network," Foaly blathered. Root looked even more confused.  
  
"He means that every time Fowl hits the space bar, every other computer in the network re-boots," Holly explained.  
  
"Network?" Root asked. Chix tried to pretend to be smart.  
  
'Ladies like smart men like me!' Chix thought, 'So Holly must too!'  
  
"EVERY COMPUTER IN THIS LAB EXCEPT FOWL'S RE-BOOTS EVERY TIME FOWL PRESSES THE SPACE BAR!" Holly yelled, "Do you get it now?"  
  
"Yes," Root said.  
  
"Great," Holly turned to Chix, "Chix, tell everyone that Fowl is the problem."  
  
"No problem," Chix grinned. He walked over to another random boy.  
  
"Goddess Boy uploaded a virus into the school's computers. He is making them re-boot! See? He is not affected by anything!" Chix whispered. The boy automatically stood up and pointed to Artemis yelling that it was his fault everything is screwed up.  
  
"Well, that was the last class of the day," Root said.  
  
"Yes, let's get down to Haven and get some sleep. It's 2:15 in the afternoon!" Holly yawned. The three fairies left, leaving nothing behind except one chaotic school.  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
Well, was the better than my first version?? April Fool's Day is going to come up here in a few days or so. I am sooo behind.  
  
APRIL FOOL'S DAY: Artemis gets revenge on the fairies for the events in St. Patrick's Day. He toilet papers Police Plaza and other pointless things like that.  
  
Mage Kitty ^^ 


	4. April Fool's Day

A/N: Wow. I'm soooo behind ^^;;; The initials for April Fool's are the same as Artemis'. So I'll say no more and go on to the Disclaimer.  
  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Outside of Police Plaza, April First, 12 AM, Fairy Lunch Hour. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Arty and Dommie used Arty's Magical Arty Powers to get down to Haven.  
  
"April the first is a lovely date, isn't it, Dommie?" Arty smiled.  
  
"I don't know. Why is April the first a lovely date, Arty?" Dommie asked.  
  
"Because now we can get our revenge on the Fairies!" Arty Giggled Evilly.  
  
"Arty, what are you doing?" Dommie asked.  
  
"Giggling Evilly, of course," Arty replied.  
  
"Arty, don't you think we should get inside? We're getting funny looks," Dommie said, looking fearfully at an undersized pixy.  
  
"Very well. If it would ease your fears," Arty sighed, then shook his head. The over-large bodyguard and over-small master waltzed into Police Plaza together.  
  
"Hello Arty, hello Dommie. Lovely day for a waltz, eh?" The secretary said.  
  
"Too true, too true," Arty smiled cheerfully and waltzed on with Dommie.  
  
"Hmmm." The secretary pondered. She then looked seductively at a nearby mini-tree and batted her eyelashes, "Do you care for a waltz, mini- tree?" The tree never moved. The secretary took that for a yes. She and the mini-tree began to waltz lively-ly.  
  
Now back to Arty and Dommie. Our two hero/villains waltzed into Captain Holly Short's office. For her, they stole her wall balls. They also left a few matches, the same kind that Julius uses, behind.  
  
Next they waltzed into Commander Julius Root's office. They put all of the wall bals on Julius' desk and then they stole all of his beloved Fungus Cigars. They also left a few breath mints, identical to Chix's, there.  
  
Arty and Dommie continued their waltz down to Private Chix Verbil's office. There they put they put the Cigars. The possession of Chix that they stole was his PlayFairy magazines. Here they left a computer chip, something Foaly would carry around.  
  
They then waltzed down to Foaly's Ops Booth. They put Chix's PlayFairys and Arty uses his Magical Arty Powers to hack into Foaly's computers. Arty then downloaded a custom made virus onto Foaly's hard drive. The virus made Foaly's computer screens only show the message 'Arty Fowl is the biggest genius around ~ Foaly'. As soon as anyone touched a key, they message would be E-Mailed to all LEP personal and appear on all screens in the Police Plaza. After Foaly broke through the first layer of the virus, the message would then read, 'Haha, Pony Boy ~ Holly'.  
  
Yes. It was the perfect revenge. Arty and Dommie waltzed out to the lobby in Police Plaza and saw the secretary waltzing with the mini-tree.  
  
"Nice form," Dommie said.  
  
"Thank you. You too," the secretary said. Arty and Dommie waltzed on and ran into Holly, Julius, Chix and Foaly.  
  
"Hello Arty, hello Dommie," Holly, Julius, Chix and Foaly chimed.  
  
"Hello Holly, hello Julius, hello Chix, hello Foaly," Arty and Dommie chimed.  
  
"My chime is better!" Julius exclaimed.  
  
"No, mine is!" Holly said.  
  
"Mine!" said Chix.  
  
"No, mine!" Foaly whinnied.  
  
"Mine is superior," Arty smirked.  
  
"Mine is the bestest," Dommie said. The two elves, two humans, one sprite and one centaur argued about who's wind-chime is the bestest. The Never Ending Argument Of Doom had begun.  
  
"Dommie and I must leave now. Toodles," Arty said, wagging his fingers. He then used his Magical Arty Powers to zap him and Dommie up to Fowl Manor.  
  
"How did he do that?" Chix asked.  
  
"Magical Arty Powers," Holly, Julius and Foaly explained.  
  
"Now lets waltz into Police Plaza!" Holly grinned. Julius and her waltzed into Police Plaza.  
  
"I wanted to waltz with Holly," Chix whined.  
  
"Suck it up," Foaly and Chix waltzed into Police Plaza after them.  
  
"It's a lovely day for a waltz," the waltzing secretary said.  
  
"Yes indeedy," Holly, Julius, Chix and Foaly chimed. They then waltzed up to their respective offices and screamed.  
  
"My Wall Balls!" Holly screamed.  
  
"My Fungus Cigars!" Julius screamed.  
  
"My PlayFairy Magazines!" Chix screamed.  
  
"My Precious Computers!" Foaly screamed.  
  
"Julius!" Holly screamed.  
  
"Chix!" Julius screamed.  
  
"Foaly!" Chix screamed.  
  
"Holly!" Foaly screamed.  
  
"DIIIIIIEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!" Holly, Julius, Chix and Foaly screamed.  
  
Up in Fowl Manor, Arty and Dommie Giggled Evilly.  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
A/N: That was completely pointless. Very short. Makes no sense. Very OOC. .I like it.  
  
NEXT THINGY: Er. Mother's Day, I think. Fairies only, probably. Or with Artemis Pre-Fairies. Holly's Mom comes to the LEP. Same Holly's mom as in my other AF story with chapters. Funny. Sorta.  
  
Mage Kitty ^^ 


	5. Mother's Day with the Fair Folk Part One

A/N: Wow. An update. Yes. This chapter is all about the Fair Folk, Crimson Dragoness is writing the Mother's Day one about us Mud-People. My Mud-Man version was less than half a page long and angst. So Crimson didn't like it. So she offered to write the Mud-Man'. I said, sure, why not? Always good getting other people to do your work ^^  
  
DISCAIMER: I don't own Holly, Root, Trouble, Grub, Foaly, Lili, Vinyáya, Chix, Ash Vein and Mamma Kelp. I own Primrose Short and Foaly's mother, though.  
  
*~*~*~*~* Holly: Frond knows when *~*~*~*~*  
  
"Holly!" Primrose Short, my mother, yelled happily and hugged me tightly.  
  
"Trouble! Grub!" Mamma Kelp yelled happily and hugged Trouble and Grub.  
  
"Foaly!" Foaly's mother yelled and hugged Foaly as well as she could.  
  
"Run!" Trouble, Foaly and I yelled in unison. We ripped ourselves out of our mother's arms and ran like mad to Root's office. Root's mother is dead, so, on Mother's Day, he's in luck.  
  
"Root! Root! Help!" We called  
  
"How much will ya give me?" Root's voice said from inside his office.  
  
"Fifty packs of Fungus Cigars!" I yelled, knowing his weakness. The door opened and we ran in, nearly running into Root. Foaly closed and locked the door. He started to upgrade the security.  
  
"Where are my Cigars?" Root demanded.  
  
"We'll buy them later," I sighed.  
  
"Holly, you do realize you just promised Root a fortunes worth of Cigars?" Trouble asked.  
  
"Yes," I replied.  
  
"Holly, you realize that's at least a week's worth of pay?" Trouble gasped.  
  
"Okay. We all give a third of a week's worth of gold to me and I'll buy the Cigars," I said, grinning wickedly. Foaly gets paid sooo much more than Trouble and I. Tee hee! Cheating co-workers out of their gold is fun!  
  
"Fine. But that's ridiculous!" Trouble said.  
  
"Whatever," I said. Foaly dragged me into a corner.  
  
"I get half of the profit," he said.  
  
"Why?" I whined.  
  
"Because I'll tell Trouble, then we'd have to split it three ways. And it wouldn't a profit," he hissed.  
  
"Fine," I grumbled.  
  
"So... What are we going to do in here, now till sun-up?" Foaly asked all of us.  
  
"Er..." I began.  
  
"Commander! Commander! Help!" The voice of the hottest male under the world yelled from outside of the office. I quickly jumped forward and opened the door. I grabbed him by the collar (I touched him! SQUUEEE!) and dragged him into the office. I kick the door closed.  
  
"Holly! Don't you think you've done enough damage?" Trouble asked.  
  
"Hey! I don't get any gold from him!" Root exclaimed.  
  
"He falls under the 50 packs of Fungus Cigars," I chirped. More gold for me. Including gold touched by Ash Vein.  
  
*~*~*~*~* Foaly *~*~*~*~*  
  
"Stupid, love-sick elves," I muttered to Julius.  
  
"How very true. Now all we need is Lili Frond and Chix Verbil and we'd be complete," Julius rolled his eyes.  
  
"Can't forget Vinyáya, now can we, Commander," I nudged him.  
  
"Er, I have no idea about what you are talking about, Foaly," Julius stuttered and blushed. I am one of the few people who can tell if Julius is embarrassed or angry.  
  
"Riiiight," I said. I turned and watched Holly flirt with Ash Vein, Trouble flirt with Holly and Ahs look bored. It was rather comical.  
  
"Commander! Root! Root!" Two voices called out. One was female and the other was male.  
  
"Hey Julius, let us in!" A third voice, belonging to Wing Commander Vinyáya said calmly.  
  
"Of course!" Julius leaped up and opened the door, ushering in Chix Verbil, Lili Frond and Vinyáya. I rolled my eyes. Now there will be madness. Nearly all of the people in the room fancied another. My mind immediately organized it into a neat list.  
  
S/He fancies Him/Her  
  
Holly - Ash  
Ash - Lili  
Lili - Trouble  
Trouble - Holly  
Julius - Vinyáya  
Vinyáya - No-one  
No-one - Chix  
Chix - Every female  
Me - No-one  
  
And all of those people were in Julius' office. I felt sorry for Vinyáya. I wonder how she got dragged into this. Her mother is banned from Police Plaza.  
  
Eight people were stuck together in an office that barely fits eight. And I'm the size of two Fairies. Something is going to happen.  
  
*~*~*~*~* Trouble *~*~*~*~*  
  
"Holly? Holly, are you listening to me?" I asked.  
  
"Hmm... What? Did you say something, Trouble?" Holly murmured, never taking her eyes off of Ash. Damn that elf  
  
"Trouble, darling, how are you doing?" Lili asked.  
  
"Waddya want, Lili?" I barked.  
  
"Oh, ignore him, Lili. He's just a stupid jerk," Ash tried to put his arms around Lili. Holly glared at Lili. Lili moved closer to me. I moved closer to Holly. Lili glared and Holly. Holly moved closer to Ash. Ash moved closer to Lili, Lili moved closer to me...  
  
A foot or so over, Root was trying to impress Vinyáya, Vinyáya was looking quite scared and edging over. She bumps into Chix, who immediately turns all of his 'charm' onto her. Vinyáya then edges away from Chix and Root, knocking herself into Foaly. Foaly rescued her from Root and Chix by getting her into a conversation about technical crap about ships that only they understand. Root and Chix back away with glares on their faces.  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
A/N: Oh gawd. Writer's Block... Only you can save me now! Tell me how to end/continue this. Save me, please!! *Whimpers* Sorry about it being only half a story or so... Evil, evil things that bring on Writer's Blocks... My Writer's Block is even screwing up my A/N... I have nothing to say...  
  
Mage Kitty ^^ 


End file.
